Archives For May 2013

Misadventures has been up just one short month and we are so excited and grateful to have over 100 followers between email, wordpress and social media!  We can’t believe it.  Thank you so much for your support.  Much love from us to all of you, promise more posts to come… and maybe we’ll have to work on some more drawrings one of these days 🙂

Thank you all again.

Love Authors S&M


This weekend I had a baby tantrum about starting another summer not pregnant (that I know of anyway).  I tortured my husband with the swinging of my emotions and in response he told me that I “need to stop being crazy sometimes”.  When I shot daggers at him and asked him EXACTLY what he was trying to say (because you should never use the word “crazy” around a woman on hormones even if she is being crazy), he clarified and said “I just think you need to stop thinking negatively, we have to take this day by day and be more positive and hope for the best”.

There he was, trying to get me to start my own Silver Linings Playbook.  Sigh, I do hate when he’s right.  A little positivity wouldn’t hurt our process.  So I decided to try put aside my negativity about the fact that I’m starting another summer without a baby on board.

Here’s a list of silver linings on starting another summer without a baby on board:   

1.  I don’t have “Cankles” and thereby can wear my very cute loafers and ballet flats instead of being restricted to stretchy flip flops for 3 months

2.  I don’t have to parade through Chicago’s summer social scene with a killer muffie top (well more than my usual spillage that is). 

3.  I can sit alfresco with a cold beer followed by a margarita followed by a mojito followed by a glass of white wine followed by… well you get the point

4.  I can go to the beach without feeling like I could be used as a flotation device

5.  I can ride my bike or take a jog along the lakefront without worrying about a baby falling out of my vagina

6.  I can continue to pull off wearing those tight ass ankle pants I bought a month ago – another pound or two and those pants would be obsolete, I hear cameltoe is still not in fashion this year.

7.  I can eat CHEESE, any kind of cheese, as horribly unpasteurized as possible and as much of it as I want

8.  Because I’m not pregnant I won’t be forced into being everyone’s designated driver at all the weddings we have to go to this summer.

9.  I won’t have to worry about sweat collecting under my belly and breasts in the heat of the summer and the associated risk of skin fungal infections that can come with such moisture traps.

Sorry – that’s all I’ve got so far.  Couldn’t make it to 10 reasons, because honestly I’d trade in all of the above to be a sweaty, huge, cankle-y, waddling designated driver drinking virgin mojitos inside my air conditioned condo.   But I still hope my hubby is proud of me for all the silver linings I thought of.

And now that I’m done “being positive” I’m off to count the days since my last period.  Toodles!

Love Author M

Kim Kardhashian’s Feet are Screaming for Flip Flops

As mentioned in our last post, after a night out at the local tavern we thought:  why are ovulation strips so freaking annoying?  Who created these stupid things?  All this time spent in the bathroom, wouldn’t it be so much more fun to have your answer presented to you in a more enjoyable format?  Something we as women can all relate to?  So we made a list of our brilliant ideas of something we call our “Ovulation Fun Strips”.

Earlier this week we turned some of our ideas into visuals for your entertainment… as in we drew them out for you… with pen and markers. Yes it’s true – we are 30-something-year-old ladies who sat at a cafe and created “drawrings” of our ideas for 90 minutes, laughing crazily while doing it and disturbing other patrons.  But we’re at peace with this.  And we’re ready to share our genius ideas and our artistic talents.

Idea #1.   Green light means:  GO TIME.

Green light means GO.  Red Light means NO.

Green light means GO. Red Light means NO.

Idea #2:  Watch the Thumbs

Two Thumbs Up for Ovulating.  An unfortunate negative review for Not Ovulating

Two Thumbs Up for Ovulating. An unfortunate negative review for Not Ovulating

Idea #3:  Play the Slots

Ovulating = the Sexytime Jackpot.   Not Ovulating = your prize is a good night's sleep!  Zzzzz

Ovulating = the Sexytime Jackpot.
Not Ovulating = your prize is a good night’s sleep! Zzzzz

Idea #4:  Cannonball!!!

Egg deployed from Cannonball means Ovulating.  Humpty Dumpty on the Right means you're too late.

Egg deployed from Cannonball means Ovulating.
Humpty Dumpty on the Right means sorry, you’re too late.

Idea #5:  Bedtime Activities

Ovulating = Time to get down.  Not Ovulating = Time for catching up on magazines before bed

Ovulating = Time to get down.
Not Ovulating = Time to catch up on magazines before bed

Idea #6 (Our Grand Finale)

Ovulating = Thrusting Hubby.  Not Ovulating = Sad Hubby

Ovulating = Thrusting Hubby.
Not Ovulating = Sad Hubby

If you have some novel ideas to join our new era of ovulation strips let us know!  You can add to the genius by:

A. commenting on this post

B.  posting on our facebook page (, OR

C.   Better yet TWEET us!  We’ll start a trend!  @AuthorsSM #ovulationfunstrips

We hope you enjoyed our artistic talents.  Now all we need is a “loan” for a few million dollars and a factory for our fun strips.

Love Authors S & M

Last summer, the two of us ladies sat around bitching at our favorite tavern about the enigma and ridiculousness of the dreaded… ovulation strip.  There have been so many days that the both of us spent either:

A.  Climbing on top of the bathroom counter trying to hold up sticks under a light source, imagining there is a second line

B.  Getting the strip so close to your face your nose is almost touching your own urine, squinting and trying to hallucinate a faint second line


C. If you’re using the ClearBlue Easy then you’re peeing on an expensive stick day after day waiting for that sadistic smiley face to tell you it’s game time. (Much thanks to our follower sloughing uterus for the below picture and a nauseating reminder of how much we hate that F*@king smiley face)


We thought to ourselves – there has got to be a better way.  Something more… obvious.  Something that our brains could understand better.  Something more… entertaining…. so we thought of a new era of ovulation strips.  If we’re gonna spend minutes of our lives peeing on a stick and waiting for a sign, why not make it entertaining.

And we’re finally ready to share our genius – tomorrow not today 🙂

Stay tuned peeps!

Love Authors S & M

A Nice “Light” Read on Your Baby Future

April 2012 (continued)

In my previous post, I left off describing how confident I was in my ability to single-handedly populate the world with my fertile hips. My positive pregnancy test was like a middle-finger to my husband’s cynicism. Yeah – take that!

The first few days following the test, I started to notice some morning sickness and food aversions. Suddenly, I wasn’t so interested in my usual morning and afternoon meals. The thought of drinking my typical constant infusion of coffee all day (to function like a normal person) made my stomach turn. That was probably a good thing, because otherwise I was ready to send the American College of Obstetricians a nasty-gram about how less that 200mg of caffeine a day was absolutely out of the question. I mean, I needed at least that much intravenously just to get out of bed in the morning.

“Project pregnancy” was coming along nicely. It was all I could think about and all I wanted to talk about. Unfortunately, I had to try really, really, really hard to keep my mouth shut and not shout out to the world that I was with child. Thankfully, my husband is really good at sitting and pretending to listen to me, so I would give him detailed, mostly unnecessary updates on a daily basis about how I was feeling, whether or not I was pooping, and what my new food aversion for the day was.

About a week later, I woke up one morning really hungry for cereal. Hmmm…strange. I hadn’t had an appetite for cereal since the morning sickness started. Oh well, a good breakfast is the best way to start the day, I told myself. Over the course of the next few days, I noticed my appetite was fantastic. I mean, I could eat six times a day, if given the opportunity, and my stomach was reminding me that it was back from its hiatus. A little nagging voice started to tell me that this was not quite right, but I comforted myself with the thought that I was still exhausted ALL the time, and this was maybe just MY normal for this pregnancy.

As weeks number 5 and 6 arrived, I continued my prenatal vitamins, made my first prenatal appointment, and even told my family the good news. Even as I continued to scour the internet for information about pregnancy and my change in symptoms, I couldn’t get rid of this feeling that something wasn’t right. My concern worsened when I started to feel a heaviness in my pelvis, almost as if my period was about to come on. I would dash to the bathroom every hour while at work to check if I was bleeding, only to be relieved that it was just my imagination.

One night I came into work to find that a really good friend of mine who works part time with us was finishing up her shift. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to talk to someone about my doubts and concerns. Was this normal, not to feel sick and nauseous anymore? She was initially elated that I was pregnant, but then got a cautiously concerned look on her face when I told her that my initial morning sickness had gone away. She saw me look over at the ultrasound machine that we keep near us at work and her eyes lit up. Admittedly, I was secretly hoping she would offer to ultrasound me, since my Ob appointment wasn’t for another 3 weeks and I was dying to know what was going on in my pelvis! I like to think we were discreet, dragging the clunky and noisy ultrasound machine down the hallway and over to the doctor’s room that, by the way, does not lock from the inside. We pushed a large bin against the door so that no one would walk in to find me flat on my back with only sheets covering my lower half.

We both stared at the screen as she moved the probe around. Nothing. “Maybe you’re earlier than you think and you got your dates wrong,” she said. But there was no way I got my dates wrong, I thought as I tried to fight the tears. Any woman who monitors her cycles like I did knows her dates. This wasn’t a matter of being too early for anything to show up on the ultrasound. I was definitely six weeks at this point and we should’ve been seeing a little blip of white-gray in that zone of black. My gut was right, something was very wrong.

-Author S-

Egg Freezing – AKA “Oocyte Cryopreservation” – is no longer just something you’ll hear about on Star Trek. In fact, it’s available at a neighborhood freezer near you! This article touches on some of the hype and controversy related to the procedure.

Alright – this blog is not supposed to be sappy but we’re gonna give ourselves a “Bye” today.  An amazing thing happened less than three weeks ago in that we started this blog as a way to bring some laughter into the world of babymaking, no matter how long it takes you.  And by joining this community we realized how much pain there is associated with all of this but also how much support there is.  We hope in some of our posts we can help provide a little laughter whether you are trying, not trying or just following us for shits and giggles.

Yesterday we read an interesting post by bloggerkuwait (will post the link below) on the guilt she feels now about posting about her pregnancy (a pregnancy she worked so hard to get!) because she doesn’t want to be insensitive to her infertile friends.  I would say that makes her extremely sensitive.  The truth is, everyone who decides they are ready for a baby is working on the same goal – it takes some people a month, and others several years.  We don’t know her but after all her troubles, she should not feel guilty at all and we can’t help but be happy she had success.

Sometimes, even someone who’s been TTC for 3 months can’t help the green eyed monster taking over from time to time when they see a cute pregnant lady or a little human running around.  We all have friends/acquaintances/colleagues who decided they were going to get knocked up and – Bam! – Wish granted.  And yes we were extremely envious of them and the green eyed monster whispered naughty thoughts of jealousy in our ears.  Look, that monster isn’t going anywhere, he’s been around your whole life: when you were 6 and someone got the flower on the icing of the cake, the monster made you feel angry and you didn’t know why.  When you were 10 and the cute boy next to you liked your best friend he was there.  When you were 17 and your friend got into college where you wanted to go he was there.  When we were single and 30, and our friends were getting engaged and married that bastard reared his ugly head then too!  Now that we’re married and working and thought he was gone, he’s just came back for more per his usual!   He knows a good opportunity when he sees one.  But all jokes aside on our blog, we can honestly say that we are genuinely happy for our friends who get pregnant (no matter how fast or slow) or have cute little babies.  It’s natural to feel jealous, angry, depressed and then, to top it off, feel guilty about feeling all those feelings the monster puts in your head.  Such is life.

At the end of the day the goal is:  BABY!  Are we right ladies and gentleman?  And one day we fully intend this blog to turn into a funny blog about growing and making a baby in the womb, not just the babymaking conception part of it all.

Thanks for following us 🙂

Love Author S&M

Here is the link for the post mentioned above:


My Crazy OB

May 14, 2013 — Leave a comment

July 2012

Once our “waiting for an oops” method of conception failed miserably, I decided to have a candid conversation with my “lady doctor” about babymaking.  I figured no harm in gathering some advice on how we could increase our chances for success.  (Just FYI –  for a prude like me, such a conversation was extremely uncomfortable.  I would say it made me even more uncomfortable than watching people sing and dance on TV, or even worse watching a sex scene in a movie in front of my grandma).

My doctor’s first crazy idea was that I start taking my basal temperature every morning to figure out when I was ovulating.  As many of you know your basal temperature supposedly goes up about a degree during ovulation time.  So in the beginning of June I had my husband buy me an expensive pink thermometer and I got to work.  This supposedly special thermometer even came with a fancy chart to track my readings!  (Insert oooo’s and aaah’s here).

Except after about a week I realized there was a problem – my basal temperatures were seriously all over the place.  Basically, if I went by the results on my fancy chart – well, I was an ovulating machine and popping out an egg every other day. I wish.

So, I spoke with my OB again and expressed my perplexion about how this apparently reliable method was failing me. She reminded me that for this method to be accurate I should be checking every morning at the same time when I woke up and before I got out of the bed.

I about lost it – this lady knew my profession.  I work in an ER, I never wake up at the same time every morning.  I have obnoxious hours. Sometimes the alarm goes off at 7am for work like a normal person and other days I am going to bed at 7am after coming home from a night shift.  So basically this shit wasn’t going to work is what she was telling me.  So the fancy pink thermometer got thrown angrily into the junk drawer next to my bed, never to be seen again.  The chart got recycled and is probably a brown paper bag out there somewhere… although would be way more appropriate it if it had been turned into a box for tampons.

My crazy OB then suggested that maybe we should just try to have intercourse every day from days 10 through 20 of my cycle.  This lady told some great jokes.  My husband and I BOTH work in an ER which  means two sets of obscene and odd hours.  I am aware some couples have sex several times a week but depending on our schedules we were lucky some days to kiss each other good morning or good night.  In fact there are days we don’t see each other.  Or my favorite are those days where if we do get the pleasure of seeing each other it is for a 2 hour window when he gets home at 3am and I’m dead asleep before I have to wake up at 430am to get to an early morning shift.  I dare anyone to try and “get in the mood” when you’ve hard 3 hours of sleep and your significant other is exhausted from working 12 hours and smells like blood and other people’s B.O.

So in short her suggested methods of planning for us were hilarity!  Obviously my doc was a delusional nimphomaniac.   She thinks we all have time for sex all day long every day like a bunch of starved teenagers.  Silly lady.

But no matter I had a back up plan.  I had heard in a magical section of drugstores they sold these strips that tell you exactly when you’re ovulating.  These would surely be our fail safe method of babymaking right?

Here’s where future me inserts an evil laugh.  But that’s a story for another post so stay tuned.

Love Author M