Here’s the disclaimer for this post: We really do love our mothers. And one day we hope to be as wonderful and annoying to our children as they are to us.
Growing up, we were clueless so we looked up to our mothers for comfort and advice. Somehow, mom always knew what to say to set things right. And if she didn’t have the right words, she would inevitably offer food as a means of comfort. Later on as teenagers, we continued to listen to our moms, perhaps partially out of habit, even though we didn’t always like what they had to say. Still they were often right when our juvenile emotions led to stupidity.
Then – you get older and you grow a brain and start to think for yourself. Suddenly, Mommy’s words of wisdom are sometimes not as “Money” as they used to be. You realize although she was the master of life advice when you were 10, some of the pearls now offered are a little out of date. In addition you realize much of her advice is not quite based on scientific fact and be may coming from an alternate universe (or from early onset dementia). This realization is further amplified when you grow up to be a doctor and your mother tries to give you medical advice that she swears is the cure for all your body’s problems.
But nonetheless we are good daughters and listen to Mommy’s advice over the phone, and offer our “Yes you’re Right”‘s and “Uh-huh”‘s to them, all the while practicing our eye rolls and make finger guns to our heads on the other end of the line.
Our Mother’s combined have offered us much advice on what we can do to create a fetus or why it’s taking too long to create a fetus. We’ve decided to share this wealth of advice to all of you so may also employ it in your quest for mommyhood. And if you’re not trying to be a mommy then share it with your friends who are. Or just share it because it’s hilarity. These tidbits of love from our Mothers will be read much more enjoyably if you read the below mother statements with an Indian accent…
“This is because you do all that crazy exercising” (You mean the 20 minutes I do on level 1 on the elliptical is killing my eggs? Yes I better stop because I hear obesity is good for fertility)
“This is because you don’t take it easy. You don’t have to go out with your friends for dinner you can stay home and rest” (Yes, you’re right. Getting in my car, walking into a restaurant, sitting on my ass and stuffing my face is probably a lot of stress on my uterus).
“This is because you do all that dieting you should eat more” (But wait then shouldn’t I go out to dinner with my friends more and eat shitty food? This is confusing)
“This is because you do too much heavy lifting. You should stop vacuuming” (Ummm, ok thanks good idea. I’ll send you the bill for the cleaning lady)
“Are you sure that the dog isn’t preventing you from getting pregnant.” (Yes the dog must be kicking me in the uterus while I’m not looking. Better drop him off at the humane society stat.)
“You just need to relax and let it happen”. (There’s that word again – relax. YOU RELAX DAMNIT!! )
“You need to stop obsessing about getting pregnant then it will happen” (But you’ve only been asking for a grandchild since the first day I got married! You’ve planted the seeds of my obsession!)
“If you do this prayer and do this ceremony then it will happen” (Maybe… but first I gotta find a temple. Can’t you do it for me Mommy? And while you’re at it make me some Indian food? Please?).
“Next time you need a procedure I’m going to come to the Doctor’s office and I want to talk to him. And then you have to rest I’m going to stay with you for a week or you come home to our place for a week.” (OMG NO. You just told me to relax – this would not happen with this plan. That and I think my doctor will hate me for being trapped in a room with my Mommy answering an hour’s worth of questions I already know the answer to).
God bless our Moms they are so sweet for caring about our uteri. We love them dearly. But we’re gonna leave the babymaking and pregnancy advice to our Doctors and the all knowledgeable Google.
Till next time!